Restaurants

Not your typical restaurant theme

I’d heard that GQ’s food writer Alan Richman called it the best burger in the country. I know Oprah flies down to Hollywood, Florida, to eat at this little joint.

So this trip, I decided to try it for myself: Le Tub on Ocean Drive just south of Johnson Street — in large part because I finally found the place, hiding behind a rickety fence.

Once you attract celebrities, your story gets out there. I was aware this local restaurant was once a Sunoco gas station and that the owner is the guy who thought up flying the Coppertone banner behind airplanes to advertise to sunbathers in South Florida. I could tell you it was decorated with bathtubs and toilets.

But I didn’t expect the dichotomies of this dockside restaurant. You can’t help but notice it’s a dump, and not in a theme-restaurant cutesy way, like a Dick’s Last Resort. I’m talking about wooden tables and seats that might not last through the meal. Be particularly wary of the the bench below the “Under Marsh Harbor JIB Room” sign — you will walk away with splinters in your ass, if you can stand up out of that hole at all.

Joey Campbell and Belle

The menu is handwritten, the staff brings their dogs to sit at the tables, they only accept cash and the menu mentions they prefer not to see kids after 8 p.m. No kidding. I heard the a few waiters throwing around the f-bomb and a nice four-letter s-word befitting the theme at 4:45 in the afternoon. Joey, the maintenance man, cleans tables by dumping the leftovers into the Intercoastal Waterway so diners can watch the fish bob for food.

And yet this establishment expects men to wear collared shirts in the evenings, and offers a parking attendant to watch your car. A wooden sign in the parking lot declares Le Tub is “an inexpensive for people with money,” which is your first warning you’re about to pay $12 for a cheeseburger. Not a cheeseburger, fries and Coke, mind you. Just the sandwich.

On the other hand, you’d be a bigger person than I if you could eat more than that. At 13 ounces, it comes out of the kitchen stacked so high, you can’t get your mouth around the whole thing. I’m guessing that’s why they included the plastic silverware. I’d have liked to salt my tomato slice, but I had to dump the clumped up salt out of the holes onto the table first.

Did I mention Le Tub is a real dive?

A cheeseburger in paradise?

But trust me, you’ll embrace these eccentricities if it means a chance at another burger like that. These guys know what medium rare means, and they make sure the Swiss cheese (or cheddar or American) is actually melted on there, not just slapped on and slightly warmed. The bun is so fresh, I think they baked it just before I wandered in. These burgers may not be everyone’s favorite, but it sure earned that “best” award with me.

But don’t say I didn’t warn you about that seating thing.

Le Tub Saloon

1100 N. Ocean Drive

Hollywood, Florida 33019

(954) 921-9425