Taylor’s Automatic Refresher, St. Helena, California: Dining for under $10
Pretentious Hamburgers. That’s my first thought when I think of Taylor’s Refresher. My second thought is mmmm, who cares?
High-end restaurant smartly disguised as a roadside burger joint
St. Helena is full of itself, but like Carly Simon says ”You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you” they most likely revel in their pretentiousness. If you’re traveling to Napa Valley Wine Country, you will find yourself in St. Helena at some point. If you’re coming from the south, Taylor’s Refreshers will be on your left and sort of marks the beginning of downtown.
Here’s the fictional tale of a couple entering St. Helena for the first time. Brad and Janie are from, let’s say, North Dakota. Restless from another unkind winter, they seek rejuvenation and thawing in the Northern California Wine Country. They’ve been taking a wine class down at the Rec Center for the last six Tuesday nights and feel like they’re ready to swirl, sip, and spit. Brad has been idolizing Charlie Sheen since the 80’s and decides he’d like to try on the persona for the trip. Janie doesn’t care much for him because he sleeps with porn stars (not Brad, Charlie) and decides to wear her comfortable travel clothes in spite of his wish for her to “be more like Pamela Anderson.” She wears her favorite Mossimo jeans from Target, a little tight but she can still squeeze in despite the “baby weight”. Her white gym shoes sneakers, and her upscale t-shirt she got online from L.L. Bean, half off.
Here’s the fictional tale of a couple entering St. Helena for the first time. Brad and Janie are from, let’s say, North Dakota. Restless from another unkind winter, they seek rejuvenation and thawing in the Northern California Wine Country. They’ve been taking a wine class down at the Rec Center for the last six Tuesday nights and feel like they’re ready to swirl, sip, and spit. Brad has been idolizing Charlie Sheen since the 80’s and decides he’d like to try on the persona for the trip. Janie doesn’t care much for him because he sleeps with porn stars (not Brad, Charlie) and decides to wear her comfortable travel clothes in spite of his wish for her to “be more like Pamela Anderson.” She wears her favorite Mossimo jeans from Target, a little tight but she can still squeeze in despite the “baby weight”. Her white gym shoes sneakers, and her upscale t-shirt she got online from L.L. Bean, half off.
Janie is in the navigational seat of the electric blue Ford Focus they rented at the airport. She puts down her map of “Wineries You Mustn’t Miss” just in time to spot an old-fashioned drive-in hamburger stand. Its painted bright white with red and green trim. ”Oh look Brad, a hamburger place. That looks perfect for us. Let’s stop and get a burger and pop” (I’m pretty sure that’s what they call soda).
He grumbles because he really wants to rent a Harley Davidson up the street first and then cruise in a la’ Sheen. Ever since he saw the movie Beyond the Law, he felt the need to straddle a steel horse and ride. But a burger and fries sounds really good so he pulls in and parks.
Janie reads at the top of the menu “We use humanely raised Niman Ranch beef, all natural vegetarian fed, no antibiotics or added growth hormones” and she rolls her eyes “California weirdo tree-huggers” she smirks.
Brad looks straight to the prices “Double Cheeseburger is $9.99 and you don’t even get fries with that? Shit, I should get a blow job for that much money!” Janie backs away from him while he does his Charlie Sheen impersonation.
According to Janie’s palm pilot that she got cheap on e-bay, they have only budgeted $10 each for lunch. So Brad orders the Texas Burger and she orders the Blue Cheese Burger, well done, because pink meat makes her remember it’s from a cow. With tax their dinner comes to $20.40, so they grab free cups of water and have a seat in the spacious green lawn dining area instead of sitting under the awning with the cops. Brad’s pretending to avoid making eye contact with them because he’s in character.
Although the prices were outrageous, they both agreed that these were probably the most exciting burgers they’ve ever eaten, even counting Applebees.
The Blue Cheese Burger was topped with a pile of blue cheese, but not too strong and not too much. She pulled out the pickles because they took over the flavor of the cheese and beef. There was rather bland pinkish special sauce dripping out of the toasted egg bun. The egg bun was good enough to eat on its own.
His Texas Burger had jack cheese, fresh guacamole, salsa and pickled jalapenos. He prefers half pound burgers, but this was alright and he wondered how he could buy some of these pickled jalapenos and bring them back home for his backyard barbecues.
Texas Burger v. Blue Cheese Burger
Unfortunately they did not have enough money for garlic fries or a white pistachio shake, but Brad decides he’ll be back with his hog (the bike, not the wife) so he can have one of the fine beers they have on draft.
And that’s what you get for ten bucks!
Taylor’s Refresher
taylorsautomaticrefresher.com
933 Main Street
St. Helena, CA 94574
(707) 963-3486
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