Experienced December 31 revelers can sum up where you’ll eat while waiting on the ball drop in Times Square in one terse sentence: Whatever sandwich you wadded into your coat pocket last night.

New Year's Eve fare in Times Square

Thankfully, I don’t have first hand knowledge of this, living in the Midwest and having an allergic reaction to standing outside in cold weather for periods longer than 42 seconds. I’m perfectly content to watch Dick Clark count it down on my television screen, and throw confetti on my living room floor. But our youth group made the New York City trek a few years ago for the big night, and came away with tales of not being able to leave the sidewalk to go anywhere, including a restroom from about 3 p.m. on.

You don’t want to know what those who couldn’t hold it did to address the situation.

So my mature advice from thousands of miles away: find a restaurant and do some first class people watching instead for the day.

The possibilities of restaurants to park yourself are practically endless. Here are the restaurants with a view of the ball, as listed at TimesSquareNYC.org, a plethora of advice on the how and when to organize your Times Square appearance:

TGI Fridays: Yep, that TGI Friday’s. The national chain that sends out coupons nearly three times a week, offers a loyalty program and prides itself on providing diners a fun atmosphere. American style rules the day here — alcohol may be illegal on the streets in Times Square, but it’s perfectly acceptable to use it as an ingredient with TGI Fridays’ burgers and ribs.

Bubba Gump Shrimp Company: You immediately said to yourself, “Run, Forest, run,” didn’t you? Sure, it’s a chain inspired by a Tom Hanks movie. But if you like seafood, this is where you want to take a seat for the duration. Nothing says good-bye to 2010 like a shrimp cocktail.

Sbarro Pizza: Hey, I didn’t give out the business licenses in New York City. Apparently Sbarro was able to snag a prime location in Times Square along with all of those mall food courts. At least there’s enough variety you could stand to order (and eat)  three or four times while waiting for midnight.

Times Square pasta

Olive Garden: This would be my choice, as the restaurant is located smack in the middle of the street, so you have a panoramic view of party central. Not to mention Olive Garden offers unlimited soup, salad and breadsticks with their pasta dishes. A person wouldn’t be in danger of starving at this location. And I’ve always liked their restrooms.

If you shudder at the thought of saying farewell to 2010 in the confines of a chain restaurant, you can always opt for a spot in the hotel lounges in the area. The R Lounge offers a stunning view of Times Square from the Renaissance; Doubletree Guest Suites and Marriott Marquis also offer food with a view. Just be aware these dining options won’t be cheap.

To echo the Times Square Alliance’s warnings on your New Year’s plans: “Please remember that if you dine at a local restaurant, you will not simply be able to come out and watch the Ball lowering at midnight. Revelers will arrive in Times Square early in the day, and while you are dining, designated viewing areas will fill up on a “first come, first served” basis. Furthermore, no one is allowed to stand in the emergency lanes or on sidewalks. Please remember that if you leave your viewing area to dine in a restaurant, you will not be able to return to your spot in a viewing area.”

Or you can come on over to my house. We’ll feed you, let you pee in a toilet, and still see the ball drop .

Photography: Olive Garden, Sbarro